Parental Expectations

3/9/2016

Your homework for tonight is to reply to the following question in this blog. In addition, I'd like you to read and think about others' responses and reply with your thoughts to at least one other post. Remember to always be respectful and kind with your words.
Blog response question: What kinds of expectations do parents typically have for their children and how can these parental expectations affect a child?

29 Comments

Katherine

3/9/2016 12:33:31 pm

I think that parents tend to expect their children to follow in their footsteps. Stay with their religion, rules, etc. They tend to have this ideal of their child growing up, getting a "respectable" job, and then supporting their parents when they get old.

Jessica

3/9/2016 12:53:53 pm

All parents have different expectations but something that I think almost all parents expect is that their children respect others and do as they're told. I don't disagree with this at all but some parents are so strict about it and have such high expectations that unfortunately their kids end up being exactly what they were trying to avoid.

Kathleen

3/9/2016 01:00:54 pm

I think a lot of parents want their kids to be better then them. Some parents seem to view their children as a second chance to do the right thing through their child. I think that's why a lot of parents put a lot of pressure on their kids to do good in school, so their kids don't make the same mistakes they did. I'm all for parents helping and guiding their child onto the right path, but sometimes parents push their children a bit too much. This can be very harmful to not only the child, but also the relationship between the child and parent.

Joe

3/9/2016 03:39:00 pm

Good point, I definitely agree! It's almost like parents are trying to live vicariously through their kids, and that can be pretty stressful for a child if what they want doesn't line up with what their parents want.

Shannon

3/9/2016 06:08:44 pm

I agree with you, a lot of parents try to live vicariously through their child! Sometimes it could be in a negative way like pushing their children too much as you said, but I think it could be viewed in a positive light as well. Some parents try to give their children more experiences and opportunities they never had growing up by getting them into organized sports, music lessons etc, which can really help a child find new interests and build character.

Jesse

3/9/2016 01:03:47 pm

I think that parents tend to set expectations on their children that they themselves were unable to meet. Not only do they hope to live in some way through their children but they also hope to impress other people from their community that they admire. Expectations can have something to do with religion, education, etc, just like Katherine said.

Chloe

3/9/2016 01:46:38 pm

I think that parents expect that one day, their kids will be able to support themselves, financially, emotionally, physically. A lot of parents want their kids to be successful and they can sometimes worry if they think their child may be going down a path that may lead them astray from this goal. However, all parents just want their kids to be happy and healthy.

Kaitlyn

3/9/2016 02:24:49 pm

I think every parent has different expectations for their child and I agree with what Kathleen said about following in their footsteps with religion and rules and things like that. I also feel like sometimes parents set really high expectations for their kids that just end up making them rebel against their parents. If parents don't have some set expectations for their children, they'll just do what ever they want and probably get in a lot of trouble and maybe not be so successful in life. I guess parents just have to find that equal balance between not enough expectations and too many.

Alexandria

3/9/2016 04:01:06 pm

I agree that sometimes parents have really high expectations for their children, but the majority of the time they do this because they want to believe that their children are capable of so much more than them. The idea of parents living through their kids almost goes hand in hand with them setting high expectations, although it can be stressful at times I do think they mean well.

Kaitlyn

3/9/2016 02:26:57 pm

Oh whoops I meant to say I agree with Katherien about the religion and rules part

Julia

3/9/2016 03:39:40 pm

I totally agree with your point of view on this, Kathleen. I like that you brought up the fact that "the parents want the kids to be better than them" and that is something I've noticed but never really thought into a lot. I think that as a parent it must be pretty hard to watch your kids grow up and make mistakes, but it's a part of life. I know that if I were a parent and I was watching my kid go through situations that were similar, if not the same, that I had previously experienced, I'd feel the need to constantly be teaching my kid how to live, how to react, and what to do in certain situations. I'd have the best intentions for my child, but I'd feel a need to "take control" somewhat if I could relate to how they were feeling. However, I think it's extremely important for parents to sort of take a step back, because the only way kids will learn how to deal with some situations is essentially just doing it themselves.

Joe

3/9/2016 03:49:58 pm

Parents expect their children to be kind, grateful, and caring towards them. Parents also expect their children to get a good job and "support them in their old age". Not to mention the huge pressure families put on children to grow up, get married, and produce grandchildren. Honestly I don't feel any of these expectations are fair. Of course if I child decides to do these things that's great, but there should be no obligation or pressure for them to. A lot of parents seem to think their children owe them some sort of life debt just because they raised them. However a child really shouldn't be indebted to their family like this, after all they didn't get to choose their parents, or even choose to be born! Parents are the ones who chose to have a child, or at least chose not to abort it or give it up for adoption. So I don't think this deal where 'parents raise child and child does what parents want' is fair, as it wasn't a deal the child had any say in, or agreed to.

Katherine

3/9/2016 06:52:15 pm

This pretty much sums up my feelings on the whole "supporting parents in old age" thing. If a child wants to support their parents, it should be out of their own kindness rather than nagging obligation. If parents treat their children kindly, then they might want to support them out of love. Otherwise they can do whatever they want. The "you owe it to us" argument is unfair.

Bryan

3/10/2016 12:42:51 am

I agree completely. It's truly unfair that a parent can think that their child owes them something if the parent didn't properly carry out their duty as a parent, and even in general. The only thing you truly owe your parents is gratitude for life, but that doesn't mean you have an obligation to carry out your life as they see fit just because they brought you into this world. It's your life, go live it.

Alexandria

3/9/2016 04:20:16 pm

Parents seem to expect their children to be perfect, obedient, intelligent, and successful people. This certainly isn't the case with every parent, but a lot of them seem to want children they can show off, almost as though they want their children to be something they can brag about to make them seem like the best parents ever. The mentality is that if a parent raises a successful child, it makes them a better parent than most and gives them something to brag about, yet in my opinion, the best kind of parent is the one who supports their child no matter what. If you're raising your children for the purpose of making yourself look good, that's basically just using a child for your own selfish purposes.

Kathleen

3/10/2016 04:22:40 am

I have never thought of it like this before, but I definitely agree.

Roxanne

3/10/2016 04:27:35 am

I really liked the way you explained this and totally agree with you

Jaimie

3/9/2016 05:06:47 pm

I agree with everyone. Growing up in a military family, I'm expected to also go into the military. Even though I don't want to. But most parents except their kids to grow up and have good morals and be responsible and independent. Be a successful human being basically. These expectations can sometimes be a bad thing for the kids. Maybe they will never meet the standards set for them. Parents also expect kids to be good and listen and behave well and basically become well formed individuals in society.

Shannon

3/9/2016 05:48:49 pm

I think that parents just want their children to be happy, and sometimes they see the way to happiness through a "good" well paying job. A lot of parents are focused on their child making money and not being in debt, instead of supporting their kids to follow their dreams and find a career they're passionate about. I think that most parents who think this way are just concerned about their child's security and aren't meaning to put expectations on their son or daughter, but not having your parents support in what you want to do could be very discouraging to a child.

Jessica

3/9/2016 06:00:34 pm

Shannon I love what you said in your first line there because when I mentioned this whole assignment to my mom that's exactly what she said to me is that all she ever wanted as a parent was for me to be happy, and I think that's a really important thing to think about because while it's true that most parents expect their kids to grow up and do things that will lead to success, they also expect us to do what we think will make us the happiest in life.

Michael

3/9/2016 06:00:08 pm

As stated previously, A person's true goal as a parent is to ensure the survival and success of the next generation. Embedded, is our primitive instinct that generally carries tradition with it. This carries values that are to be passed on, and to replicate any possible means of sociological dominance. Generally speaking, the parents only control a child's guided path, but not their destiny. Out of the perseverance and haste following the parents' expectations, there seems to be an illusion of success or failure to pass these values. Collectively, we are all saying in some way that parents have a guideline or hope of achievement resting at their "arrow's" edge. (reference to poem). This is can overwhelm and deviate a child as their future is not yet written, and so they only can be directed by conveying the experience of their guardians to their will to do so. The child ultimately decides their "fate" in the end, but they are a product of experience, whether that be parental or individualized. I can agree with everyone in most aspects here. Personally, I honestly like everyone's points, as they are Interesting. I strongly agree with Kathleen, Jesse, and Alexandria, and can relate to Jaimie's statement involving tradition.

Sydnee

3/9/2016 06:32:03 pm

i find parents want to push their children into success and into a mold of the "perfect little girl" or "perfect little boy". I feel like parents expect their child to study what the parent wants, to not go into a field of study in university that the child wont be able to get a good job in, even if its something the child really enjoys. They want you to like what they like and kind of become another them and the parent can live again through the child. A parent wants them to get a high paying job whether they like it or not so that the child can support them in their elderly age. Sometimes a parent may say "if you have a good reason then you don't have to" but no reason will be good enough because the parent wants you to do the activity just like they did. Parents that have these high expectations can cause the child to be stressed and anxious that they wont meet the high expectations, it can create a wide array of negative emotions in the child if the expectations are not met.

Holly

3/10/2016 02:50:34 am

I definitely agree with this one. Though the basis of what a parent should want from their child should just be the simple things, such as growing up strong, happy and healthy, a lot of parents take raising a child as trying to almost outdo their past selves. I can understand that a parent who grew up in poverty and absent parents would want to give their own child all the opportunities possible, and that is definitely a good thing, but sometimes good intentions can go awry, and like Sydnee said, cause pain, stress and anxiety for a child. Some parents just try to make their children into better and more successful versions of themselves, and try to write out their child's future for them, but children should have the freedom to decide on their own.

Rose

3/9/2016 07:16:50 pm

Umm, ok. So upon reading the question my mind went to a complete blank. I could not even think of a single parental expectation, and actually went to ask my parents what their's were for me and my siblings. What I realized is that each parents expectations for their children can be greatly varied, but I think that there are a few key things that basically all parents expect of their children. I think all parents expect their kids to grow into respectful, responsible people, and all parents expect their children to succeed. The problem is the amount of pressure focused on succeeding, and parent's views on exactly what their child should succeed at. My biggest problem with parents imposing expectations on their children is that it's narrowing the child's options in life. It's pressuring them down a road that they may have no desire or interest in. This could potentially set children up to fail, because instead of pursuing what they excel at they are trying to fit into their parents view of what they should be. Parents want to be good parents and I think the way that they see to achieve this is by having their kid get "good" grades, get into a "good" university, and get a "good" job. Additionally Kids don't want to disappoint their parents. They may rebel against them at times, but this isn't, I don't think, because they don't care what their parent's want or think of them but rather that they don't feel like they could ever fit into the mold that their parents want them to fill. I think that a lot of the pressure to follow a parent's expectations actually comes from the child. I think that parents are vastly unaware of how their important their goals for their children are to their children. A child's desire of approval from a parent and not being able to, or constantly struggling to met their expectations to get the approval could tear a child apart. Parents always have good intentions, and I believe kids do as well, however I feel that sometimes the good intentions can get lost along the way and everything becomes so focused on the yellow brick road of life with the pre-planned checklist that parents and kids alike forget why they started down that path to begin with.

Tylor

3/9/2016 08:43:07 pm

I believe it is to give the child enough information and experiences for the child to be able to figure out what makes it unique (as well as providing basic things in life) so basically set the child up for success and if the child takes it or not then the parent has accomplished the ultimate goal

Tylor

3/9/2016 08:45:59 pm

Though parents tend to expect the child to be all things good and a perfect citizen in society for they believe modelling the child on themselves or what they want with out have the consideration of the child themselves

Bryan

3/10/2016 12:34:57 am

Throughout society, for almost as long as it's been around, children have been expected to follow a set of "rules" on how their gender should behave. Parents have attempted to teach their children how to live up to these expectations and that if you don't than you're not fitting in with your gender. These expectations and limitations that parents put on their little boys and girls to be little boys and girls can really affect their sense of creativity and ability to have fun. Take Baby X for example; it always had fun no matter what it did and it wasn't limited by a masculine or feminine way of thinking. In my opinion, this is the proper way a child should be raised. An intelligent, growing mind has more trouble thriving under the pressure of failing, but if there are no gender roles limiting this mind it has the ability to think freely and to not be judged on their ability to stick to their role. In today's world, not following your gender's "rules" is not as uncommon as it once was. That is to say, parents are becoming more accepting of their children as a whole and that they're not THEIR children, they're their own individual and will live out their life as they see fit. I believe that if every parent rasied their children the way Baby X was rasied, the world as a whole would break certain limitations that have been set for thousands of years. To grow up in a place that can truly let you express your thoughts as you see fit would mean that there would no longer be an idea that is frowned upon, there would be no mindset to stick to, and therefore genders would completely cease to exist. You wouldn't see boys and girls and men and women any more, you'd just see the human race as a whole.

P.S This way of thinking and being brought up could work - and has worked - just as easily with race. When a person is brought up that the color of their skin doesn't define who they are, they're not limited by the history of their race or of any other discrimination. If the concept of anti-discrimination can be used with race, why not gender as well?

Roxanne

3/10/2016 04:26:13 am

When raising a child, parents typically want he best for their child, and want them to achieve the best. So even though failure is all part of growing up, parents tend to get frustrated with poor marks, friends who they think are a bad enfluence, etc. This kind of pressure to be great at the things kids do can really do damage to a kids confidence. The best thing to do is be patient with failure because at some point or another, kids have to go through with it

Jessie

3/10/2016 04:31:48 am

I think the main expectation my parents had for me-and my siblings- while growing up, was to follow my moral compass (and to have it be guided by pure love). I wasn't so much subject to specific expectations in relation to my hobbies or profession.

Parental Expectations

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